Tesla in Wonderland
by Lea Monde
Summary: What would happen if Nikola Tesla were to have ventured down into the rabbit hole? In an attempt to rescue Alice from harming herself, Tesla finds himself in Wonderland. How can a man who lives in cold hard logic withstand the insanely whimsical world of Wonderland?
1. Chapter 1

A finely dressed gentleman, no older than fifty, was taking his daily walk in the park one day to feed his pigeons when he suddenly noticed a little girl no older than five peering from a hole. What was even more curious was that there was a white rabbit next to her wearing a vest and a gold chain hanging from its waist-pocket.

"This is not my home silly Mr. Rabbit," said the dark haired girl with bright green eyes. She was clearly very upset.

The rabbit's ear twitched and they soon disappeared back into the hole. The gentleman was incensed. "Who could possibly allow their daughter to endanger herself like this," he wondered. His moustache twitched from side to side. "Why is it that I am the only one who is upset by this? Surely I am not the only one who sees this," he bent down to look into the hole.

"Now see here, little girl, this is no such activity that a young lady should be participating in," he scolded.

She looked back at him. "I have to get home before dinner, otherwise I'll be punished all the more," she said with a strange accent.

"Well you certainly don't live in that hole."

"You are correct sir, but I certainly don't live there either."

"Come out of there, child. I'll take you home."

"To Oxford?"

"Oxford?" He paused for a moment. "North Carolina?"

The girl guffawed, "No silly! England!"

"England? No child! Come out of here and we will sort things out."

"I must hurry home sir. I'm sorry."

The outrageous child had no manners whatsoever. She wouldn't listen to him even though he was an adult. Against his wishes, she continued down the hole.

The gentleman stood up and took a deep breath to regain control of him. No one was coming to assist the girl. He took off his jacket and folded it neatly. It would've been very irresponsible for him to leave the girl in the hole. Bound more so by duty that any good Samaritan sense, he followed her down the hole.

"Now see here child," he said as he tried to struggle down the hole. "I have very many important things to do, and you are taking away my precious time."

"You needn't follow me, sir. Mr. Rabbit is helping me to get back."

"Come back here child, otherwise I will be forced to drag you out. I would very much dislike doing that." As luck would have it, her ankle was within reach however as he lunged to grab her ankle it disappeared… and, apparently, so did the earth below him.

When he came to, he found himself lying in a grassy plain. His body ached as he tried to move.

"You fell very badly sir," said the girl.

"Where am I," he asked slowly regaining his visions. The vast city of New York was nowhere to be found. However, perhaps his vision was fooling him. Instead of buildings, his mind was forcing him to believe that he was standing the midst of gigantic mushrooms.

"You are in Wonderland, sir," replied the rabbit with the vest.

"It must've been a _very_ bad fall," the gentleman said observing the rabbit. "Perhaps one of Edison's cronies slipped something in my morning tea," pondered the gentleman.

"It was. Next time, you should plan your fall accordingly. Mushroom caps are so much nicer to fall on than the hard ground. Wouldn't you agree," the rabbit asked.

"Eh… yes," he replied hesitantly.

The man decided that the fall had impaired his sense of judgment and for the time being he would continue to play along until the proper world returned to him.

The young girl looked up at him and then the mushrooms. "I thought, because I was very small, that the mushrooms weren't as large as I thought them to be. You are very tall sir, how tall are you," she asked congenially.

"Six foot two," he said absently.

"Foot? Are you an American? You have a funny accent for an American. My father's friends are Americans. The Astors are visiting us and have much different accents than yours."

"The Astors," he thought with great shock. Surely the girl couldn't be talking of the famous John Jacob Astor.

"We will be late, Miss Alice," pressed Mr. Rabbit.

"It was a pleasure to meet you sir…" She said curtseying, but then she suddenly seemed to remember something. "It is very difficult to remember ones manners here. It is such a strange world after all," she smiled. "My name is Alice Liddell. It is a pleasure to have met you," she curtseyed again.

The gentleman looked at her as if she were a very foreign object. In all of this insanity, there was a presence of normalcy.

"I had the same trouble too, but you do get kind of used to the place. Your voice should be coming back at any moment. Adieu," she sang her goodbye merrily and chased after the rabbit.

The gentleman followed behind slowly. He looked at the sky, which would've looked exactly the same as the one that he had seen all of his life except for the random holes above. The gentleman shook his head to clear it out. He looked to see if he could find the girl who was now a considerable distance away.

He began to run after her, but the world began to morph horribly. "Why has the world now become a ridiculous Fauvist painting," grumbled the gentleman. He called out to Alice to stop.

"You seem to get into trouble quite often," she said as she approached him.

"Quickly Alice! Feed him something from our world lest he continues on! He is morphing into something quite awful," pleaded the rabbit.

"You are quite right Mr. Rabbit," she said holding up something towards him. He would've taken it from her hand, but his arms were so much heavier and his thumbs were ridiculously larger than normal. The gentleman reluctantly allowed her to feed him. The world was gradually looking like what it had before it took a more bizarre turn except for everything seemed to be much larger. Including the rabbit. He was now not much larger than its foot.

"You gave him too much," scolded the rabbit.

"This is very troublesome," he grumbled.

"Well at least your voice came back," chimed Alice. She turned to Mr. Rabbit. "Dinner will have to wait," she said with conviction. "He came here to help me…"

"When you expressed that you d...d…didn't need his help," stammered the rabbit.

"Well this will not do. Perhaps Mr. Caterpillar can help us."

"Do all animals talk in this place," the gentleman asked angrily.

"I daren't say all, but much more so than in England," she said thoughtfully. "This will all go much faster if I carry you in my pocket."

The gentleman couldn't help but feel affronted by the idea, however the word _faster_ sounded very appealing to him. "Very well then."

Alice lifted him up carefully and gently placed him in her coat pocket. "Please take us to Mr. Caterpillar, Mr. Rabbit."

"Very well then," he and his ears expressed flatly.

"After that, we might wish to speak to with Mr. Ass on how to leave this daft place," the man said forgetting his manners. He immediately regretted his remark.

"Hmm. I have yet to meet Mr. Ass. Have you been here before sir?"

"Agh…" He thought of how to get out of explaining himself. "I forgot to introduce myself! Where are my manners…"

"Indeed," replied the vexed rabbit.

"I am Nikola Tesla, an engineer," he then thought better not to include his workplace. If the child were to dare repeat his behavior to Mr. Astor it would be disastrous.

"It is a pleasure to meet you," she said once again curtseying.

"This will not do. I will get horribly sick from the motions of her running," he thought. Before he could ask to be put down they were off.

Once again he went out like a lamp.

He awoke in such a horrible haze. He coughed as he inhaled the smoke. "Who… are… you," asked a strange voice.

"Alice," called out Mr. Tesla.

"Another Alice," the voice scoffed.

"No, no," said Mr. Rabbit impatiently. "It is a Tesla," the rabbit coughed and immediately and curtly corrected himself, "His name is Mr. Nikola Tesla."

"Well," said the strange voice. The smoke began to lift and there was a caterpillar pacing back and forth on a rather long, oblong mushroom. All the more curious, was that it was smoking a hookah. "I do not see what all the fuss is about. He seems quite comfortable being _short_ as you call it." The caterpillar noted that his company was not going away. He sighed, "Well, if you wish to adjust his size then he will need to eat from my mushroom, but he seems rather rude. I do not feel the need to share it."

"Oh, please Mr. Caterpillar! This world is so unfamiliar to us! The caterpillars in our world don't talk, and the world here is so much different from ours. He is just startled is all," pleaded Alice.

"Ah, yes," Mr. Tesla said unsure of himself. "Please forgive my manners. I could not tell you were addressing me with a question through all of the smoke."

"He does not use contractions? Fabulous! Recite a poem for me and you will have earned yourself the right to take some of my mushroom."

And so Mr. Tesla began to recite his own poem.

"While listening on my cosmic phone

I caught words from the Olympus blown.

A newcomer was shown around;

That much I could guess, aided by sound.

"There's Archimedes with his lever

Still busy on problems as ever.

Says: matter and force are transmutable…"

"That is enough," Mr. Caterpillar seemed to have disliked the poem immensely. "I should've been more specific. As promised, you may take from my mushroom, but beware. You may get larger than you would like," he said with a sneer.

Mr. Tesla took a piece from the red mushroom. He had some reservations about eating a brightly colored mushroom but he figured that he was already on whatever it was in his morning tea. A mushroom could hardly make any difference now.

He began to nibble bit by bit to much of Alice's chagrin, but he wanted to make sure that he would be as he was before coming into this strange world. The satisfaction of regaining his height seemed to dissipate as he noticed that he had gotten much larger around the middle.

"I'm fat! My God I'm fat," he screamed in disgust.

"Oh," smiled the caterpillar. "How unfortunate."

"Now that is quite enough of your high jinks," protested Mr. Rabbit.

The caterpillar waved a handkerchief after wiping away a tear. "Well all I could think of is taking this matter to the March Hare and the infamous Mad Hatter."

"Anything but this! I would rather be a centimeter tall, but I will not tolerate being fat," huffed Mr. Tesla. Whether it was imaginary, or not, he would not stand to be overweight.

"Mr. Tesla, please don't get so worked up! Your face is turning quite red. We will find Mr. Hatter and the March Hare."

"Oh," an unfamiliar presence filled the air above them. A bizarre grin appeared, and then a big, fat, striped tail. "It is that awful Mr. Cat," moaned Mr. Rabbit.

"Please! No need to loathe my coming." The cat had now fully appeared lying on top of a mushroom up high. It was as if he were concerned of being swatted down by one of them. "Pardon the interruption," it said more in jest. "It is a pleasure to meet you Mr. Tesla. I am Cheshire, the cat," his tail made a motion that some men do when they bow, but Mr. Tesla could clearly see that was more out of mockery. "It is a shame that our meeting must be brief however I have come on some most important news." He turned his head to look at Mr. Rabbit, "the Queen of Hearts is quite upset that you have been missing from court all of this time. "She has been working on a letter for you to deliver to the White Queen but it seems she requires your presence immediately."

"Oh dear!" Mr. Rabbit was now engulfed in shivers and sweat. "Oh dear," he cried again, "I shall be too late!" With that, he hopped with the greatest speed into the distance.

"Mr. Rabbit," cried Alice.

"Ah! He has always been quite fast," Mr. Cheshire said in his haunting voice. "Well it would seem that the Queen has called for your audience. You had better hurry. I can think of nothing angrier than a queen who is left to wait," the cat said as he disappeared into nothingness.

Alice too began to look quite awful with shivers and perspiration.

"Alice, I need you to take a deep breath and remain calm." Mr. Tesla was answered with her head shaking furiously. "Alice, which Queen was the cat talking of?"

Alice blinked as she suddenly realized that she wasn't sure which queen the Cheshire had been talking about. "I couldn't say," she said breathlessly.

"Very well then," Mr. Tesla crossed his arms and thought for a moment. "The cat seems very crafty. We may just see both. Which one is closer?"

Alice shied away from his gaze.

"I see," he cleared his throat. "Then do you know anyone who knows where these queens reside?"

Alice's face lit up, "I most certainly do, Mr. Tesla!"

"Then we shall go there. The sooner we arrive the better. The way you and the rabbit behave upon hearing our inescapable encounter with the Queen makes me quite anxious."

Alice nodded and started to walk, "Well, all of the queens are quite severe. The White Queen is a little peculiar, but is the friendliest in my opinion. I am not so familiar with the Red Queen, but she seems quite decent enough…"

Mr. Tesla thought her descriptions contradictory from her reaction, "Then why did you get so worked up?"

"It is the Queen of Hearts, Mr. Tesla. She is quite frightening!" Her voice then got much quieter, "she beheads people."

Mr. Tesla frowned, "I don't suppose we have any way to avoid her acquaintance?"

"The punishment would be severe," cried Alice.

"The perhaps we should seek protection of one of these other queens," he suggested.

"We will ask the Mad Hatter! He is very strange, but he seems to be in the know in this part of the world," Alice said hopefully.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea," Mr. Tesla remarked. Although, he was more excited about losing the extra pounds rather than keeping his head.

It was one of the worst walks he had ever experienced. He had encountered so many strange things in Wonderland: singing, dancing flowers; a giant crack egg by a wall; a pair of bumbling, idiotic twins; and now a spooky forest.

Alice didn't seem unnerved by the place as she calmly strode along. Mr. Tesla's patience was wearing thin, "Ms. Lidell this is becoming quite ridiculous. Are we anywhere near this mad pair?"

"Mad pair?"

"The Mad Hatter and the March Hair," he popped.

"But of course. They live in this forest, betwixt the White Queen, the Red Queen, and the Heart's border. It seems that they belong nowhere and to no one. All the while, they seem quite happy," she contemplated aloud.

Mr. Tesla was hardly in the mood for such nonsense when his crankiness was put on hold by the sudden change in scenery. They must've arrived at their destination. Ahead, there was a clearing with pastel tapestries and lanterns hanging from the creepy trees. In the midst of it all was a most engaging long table with mismatched place settings, ornate teapots, cakes, and sandwiches all matching the décor of the peculiar setting.

As they came closer they soon saw the March Hare who was very smartly dressed but was bouncing up and down wildly as he clapped his hands. Apparently, he was quite amused by a very strange man in stilts. He seemed so out of place in his gaudy plaid pants and dark purple top hat. He was juggling teacups… with the tea still in them.

"How can such creatures help us if they can't even help themselves," muttered Tesla.

"Alice," the man who could only be the Mad Hatter exclaimed.

Mr. Tesla quickly got in between the hatter and Alice for the teacups were falling from the hatter's hands. Mr. Tesla was not so surprised when they fell in perfect form with its contents still intact.

"Pardon me," the Mad Hatter said as he tipped his hat and collected the teacups. The Mad Hatter put his hat back on and it began to spin around and round on top of his very unkempt hair. The only thing that he seemed to care about was his very well groomed Prussian moustache. "I'm almost done Ms. Alice. If you and your guest will have a seat and enjoy the show," he cried as he twirled around.

"Oh, dear Mr. Hatter, can that not wait? We are in such a horribly, distressing event. We are called upon by the queen, but we haven't a clue which queen the Cheshire was speaking of and where to find her." She began to sob uncontrollably. This time the teacups fell and did crash into the ground.

Mr. Tesla winced as the hatter dropped the long trousers from his waist and jumped off of his stilts. The trousers he wore were a more fitted version than the ones that he was wearing previously, but still gaudy all the same. He came to Alice and poured some tea.

"Have some tea dear Miss Alice. It will make you feel much better. Then we can discuss the matter of that diabolical cat."

"Must we speak so loudly about this matter," said the March Hare crossly. "We mustn't forget how the Dormouse reacts upon hearing that name!"

"Not to worry! We have plenty of jam," said the hatter laughingly.

How jam and the dormouse were in any sort of relation was beyond Mr. Tesla's guess, but by now he had quite enough of this maddening world and they way he perceived himself. "Now this is quite enough. First things, first, I must return to my normal weight. I cannot think nor will I properly function under such conditions."

"Forgive us sir, but we don't even know hot to help ourselves, never mind save ourselves," laughed the March Hare.

"Please Mr. Hare, Mr. Tesla loathes being overweight even though I think he looks quite like my dear Uncle Albert. He gets so easily crossed even though I've tried so hard to make it up to him. You see, he was trying to rescue me, and now the Queen wishes for our audience," Alice wailed.

"There, there my dear! We will do what we can," said the Mad Hatter.

The March Hare stuck his thumb into the jam and lathered it onto her nose.

"She isn't the dormouse you silly creature," said the hatter wiping her nose.

"Pray, tell us how it is that you have come into your current condition," asked the March Hare.

"It is these nefarious mushrooms. One will make you larger and one will make you small. The one that hookah smoking caterpillar gave me had made me into this oafish creature," huffed Mr. Tesla.

"So it all started with the mushrooms," mused the hare.

"Well there's your answer!" Mr. Hatter slammed his hand onto the table. "You absolutely must stop eating mushrooms," which promptly gave them a good chuckle. Mr. Tesla and Alice looked on as the helpless creatures turned red from chuckling so hard.

"I have stopped eating mushrooms since then," said Mr. Tesla coolly.

"Well the solution to your so called dilemma is to eat to get thin," said the Hatter offering a ridiculously large piece of chocolate ganache cake.

"How absurd," Mr. Tesla said about to smack the plate out of the hatter's hand. He then realized how utterly horrible he had been behaving under the eyes of such an impressionable youth. He cleared his throat. "I mean to say, thank you," Mr. Tesla said reluctantly. They watched him as if he were such an amazing spectacle as he began to eat the cake.

"Perhaps, we should go over what our objectives are," said the March Hare chirpily.

"Lets," agreed the hatter.

"Would you not go over exactly what it was that the… uh… feline had said?" The March Hare plugged a teapot's spout before saying the word _feline_.

Alice went over the events as they talked over her. Which frustrated Mr. Tesla very much. He began to shovel the cake into his mouth very angrily as he listened to their musings.

"It is such a shame that we are equidistant from each of the queens of our acquaintance. It makes the decision making process that much more difficult," remarked the Hare.

"Actually, I think it makes it all the merrier. Perhaps we should visit the queen that is most vexed by our appearance," suggested the hatter.

Mr. Tesla slammed his hands onto the table. Everyone looked at him in awe. Mr. Tesla rose from his seat and slowly turned around.

"You don't look too well Mr. Tesla. Perhaps you just need a good pat on the back," the March Hare said as he stretched out his ear to do just that. Mr. Tesla quaked. His eyes bulged, his skin perspired, and then a most horrible thing took place. Fortunately, the March Hare and the Mad Hatter were able to cover Alice's eyes and ears when Mr. Tesla had tore a hole through the forest by means of expelling all that he had eaten since the morning.

"Ha! Ha! It worked," said the Mad Hatter wildly.

"To be quite honest, I didn't think you knew what you were advising," remarked the March Hare.

"Neither did I," confessed the Mad Hatter.

Sure enough, Mr. Tesla was back being his tenuous self. He turned around and poured himself a cup of tea to remove the foul taste in his mouth. As he picked up the teacup he noticed that his thumbs were slightly larger than they were before coming into this strange world. He simply shrugged it off because he was now content with how he was now.

"That doesn't look right. Would you like some mushroom to correct your thumbs," offered the March Hare.

Mr. Tesla couldn't help but glare. Ever since meeting the March Hare he had this horrible feeling that not only could he hear what Mr. Tesla was saying but may have been able to hear what Mr. Tesla was thinking. He then resumed his civil manner, "no that is quite enough. I dare say I won't be eating any more mushrooms for the rest of my life."

"Well that is certainly a bold statement," remarked the hatter. "In any case, you have made our decision for us. The forest is such a tricky place to maneuver by penny-farthing but you have made a very clear path into the White Queen's Kingdom. We shall start there."

"I never got to ask you, but why is it that we are always referencing the queens of these lands but never the kings," Mr. Tesla asked.

"Well it is all because of chess of course," said the hare matter-of-factly. "Yes, the White Queen and the Red Queen are the most powerful in the land. As we all know the queen is the most powerful piece on the board."

"However, in a game of cards, the king is the most powerful in the suit," remarked Mr. Tesla.

"Chess is far more superior than cards, wouldn't you say Ms. Alice," asked the hatter.

Alice looked uneasy, "Well I really couldn't say. I have played neither."

"You poor deprived child," exclaimed the March Hare who magicked up a chessboard and a deck of playing cards from underneath the table.

"That is quite enough," demanded Mr. Tesla. "We are to venture into the White Queen's kingdom, are we not? Then let us go." Mr. Tesla decided that he would keep his questions at minimum at most.

"Sounds like a fabulous idea." Mr. Tesla hadn't noticed the hatter's absence but he suddenly appeared from the forest with a ridiculously tall penny-farthing.

"Mr. Hatter," cried Alice with delight.

"Mr. Hare, if you please," the Mad Hatter said in a ceremonious voice.

"It would be my pleasure." The March Hare wrapped Alice in one of his ears and placed her on the penny-farthing behind the Mad Hatter. "Let us not forget the dormouse," cried the March Hair putting the teapot that he had plugged earlier and putting over Alice's head.

"It has been too long Mr. Dormouse," echoed Alice from the teapot.

Mr. Tesla couldn't hear any response, but neither was he waiting for it. "Please, if you will show the way," he said hoping that the two fools would be much too far to cause any more of a greater mess to his smartly tailored clothing.

"Very well then, hang on Alice." The Mad Hatter proceeded down the gruesome path.

The March Hare waited for the two to be out of earshot. "I just want to let you know that the Mad Hatter is going out of his way to help you two. We are currently being blamed for a war that we had little do with." The March Hare seemed saner than how he acted earlier. "Well let's be going," the March Hare said returning to his whimsical bounce.

"Please go ahead. I am still a little ill from that cake. I will catch up."

"Suit yourself, but beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch," the March Hare began to snatch at Mr. Tesla's clothes.

"Off with you now," demanded Mr. Tesla.

The March Hare laughed as he ran off into the woods. When they were clear enough away, Mr. Tesla decided that it was time for him to follow. He rolled up his pant legs and approached the forest. It was most certainly odious and slimy. He wondered if he should've followed sooner. However, with the sunlight and the shade of the forest he could clearly see that the penny-farthing was kicking up the swill in a most absurd fashion.

"Will I ever leave this place," muttered Mr. Tesla.

To much of Mr. Tesla's annoyance, the March Hare appeared. He was bouncing up and down not minding what exactly he was bouncing in. "I'm sorry, I actually couldn't hear your question sir."

Mr. Tesla was so disgusted, but he remembered that he revealed his temper far too much in front of young Alice. "Are you able to walk rather than to hop, sir?" His voice was very much strained.

"Certainly, I can walk!" The March Hare proceeded to give him an example. The matter wasn't that much better since his feet were awfully broad and long.

"_If_ you don't mind, I would rather much walk alone."

"You are such a dull person," complained the March Hare as he walked away.

When they finally reached the clearing, Alice had taken off the teapot and allowed the mouse into her coat pocket. Mr. Tesla didn't take in the scenic views of the hills and the fairytale castle in the distance. He proceeded to take off a few leaves from a tree. With every pluck he could here, "Ow!"

"Mr. Tesla! Please respect the feelings of the tree," scolded the March Hare.

Mr. Tesla stopped and proceeded to wipe off the refuse on his bare legs. All of his clothing were completely ruined and would have to be thrown out immediately as soon as he came into a chance encounter with a tailor.

"Are you ready my dear sweet girl? You will have to hold on very tightly because these hills are so wonderfully steep," said the hatter.

"You don't really mean to…" began Mr. Tesla.

They were gone. The mad hatter had taken Alice down the very steep slope. Mr. Tesla watched in horror as the hatter progressed down the hill.

"That irresponsible mad man," Mr. Tesla gasped.

"Speaking of irresponsibility," the March Hare wrapped up Mr. Tesla after having taken off some roller skates from what can only be called a roller skate tree. "Should you not be there first to introduce Alice to the queen? You are the caretaker are you not?"

Mr. Tesla couldn't really respond with the March Hare having covered up Mr. Tesla's mouth as well. The March Hare shook his head. "Speechless are we? Well you should really take care of the poor dear, she is very impressionable you know." The March Hare stood up in his roller skates. "I hope you are ready."

Mr. Tesla was not ready, but he resolved that he would try his best to never speak or utter a thought about this land. Thinking would have to be put on hold until some sanity gripped his mind.

It was a very long journey with enough wind and more distance than Mr. Tesla had expected. When they finally arrived Mr. Tesla was completely exhausted.

From the distance, he thought the hill was covered in snow, but upon closer inspection it was just small bits of white paper… hole punched paper to be exact. As he was inspecting the paper he thought he could hear the jingle of bells and beautiful laughter. Sure enough, in the inner ward was a troika being pulled by three beautiful Clydesdale horses with bells strapped around their chests.

Mr. Tesla admired the scene but his breath caught still upon noticing the woman riding in the troika. Her beautiful white teeth were encased in a pair of bold red lips. Her dazzling blue eyes twinkled like diamonds and her mane of long flowing straight espresso hair enchanted Mr. Tesla that he forgot to breath.

"What is wrong Mr. Tesla," asked Alice with her sweet innocent eyes. She was also holding her nose.

"I am just getting accustomed to the new scenery," said Mr. Tesla.

The laughter and the bells suddenly stopped. The woman and the gentleman riding with her got out of the troika. The laughing and cheering crowd was suddenly silent. They all were bowing deeply to the man and woman. When she got up to the top of the steps she looked down at them with a very static expression. "We thank you all so much for your efforts. We have enjoyed ourselves immensely," she said it very clearly but her voice noted no emotion. It was as if she hadn't meant a single word.

When she disappeared behind the doors the crowd returned to their merriment momentarily. That is until the Mad Hatter cried out, "I beg your pardon!" They all stopped what they were doing. Some were frightened and other looked angry.

"What trouble have you brought to us this time hatter," called out one of them.

"Oh," the Mad Hatter gasped angrily.

"Did you not hide in that forest for a reason," called out another.

"He should be jailed! Guards," cried another.

Just then the Mad Hatter began to jitter as the ground beneath him quaked. Up rose four pawns that left him very little room to maneuver.

"Mr. Hatter," cried Alice. "Please let him out. We asked for him to help us to get her here under her majesties orders."

"It was very decent of him to come out here even though he new there would be consequences," backed Mr. Tesla.

"Don't worry about me," said that hatter tipping off his hat between the pawns. "This is almost therapeutic."

"What about me," bounced the March Hare furiously. "Am I not as guilty or as guiltless as my companion," he cried. The pawns came out almost reluctantly and imprisoned the hare as well.

"You look cold sir. Here, have a seal," said a strange man who put a young seal around Mr. Tesla's shoulders.

Tesla bowed under its weight. "I will drop him," he gasped.

"Oh," the strange man said and took the seal off. The seal shrugged its non-existent shoulders. The man sniffed the air and cringed, "You simply cannot meet the queen like this. Follow me," he said authoritatively.

Up they went, and as the castle doors opened Mr. Tesla and Alice were shocked how the mosaic floors reached all the way to the great horizon.

"It's rather intimidating," said Alice.

Mr. Tesla took her hand. "It should be all right," he said assuringly.

The man opened the nearest door. A shy woman peered from the door. "What is it?"

"This girl needs to be cleaned. She is to see the queen straight away ma'am."

"Very well. Come along little girl," she said to Alice soothingly.

"You sir, are to come with me," he barked. Mr. Tesla was shocked by the sudden mood swing. He was suddenly taken by the wrist and shoved into a closet. It was such a horrible sensation. Steam filled the small closet and Mr. Tesla couldn't help but scream. Just as soon as it started it ended by a good swift push on the small of his back. He was now back in the same hall but in entirely different clothes that happened to be all white. Alice also stood before him in all white looking just as perplexed as he.

"Right this way," said the man with the seals. He opened a pair of doors and they stepped into the court. The room was filled with elegantly dressed nobles all in white. The beautiful couple from earlier were sitting on their thrones looking at them without any sort of emotion.

"Your majesties, may I present to you," the man with the seals suddenly realized that he never got their names.

"Miss Alice Lidell and Mr. Nikola Tesla," whispered Mr. Tesla.

"Miss Alice Little and Nicholas Tess," cried the man.

"You may step forward," said the queen coolly.

Mr. Tesla and Alice looked at each other unsure of the etiquette at court. They slowly approached the thrones until they were ordered to stop.

"It is a pleasure to see you again, Alice. What brings you into my realm," the White Queen asked.

"Well," she began with uncertainty, "We were told by the Cheshire that we have been invited to meet with the queen. He didn't tell us which one though."

"Mr. Cheshire has always been one to cause trouble," she said returning to her monotonous tone.

The king spoke with a very warm and comforting voice, "Could you remember exactly what he said to you? Also it is very important that you remember which way his stripes were facing: left or right."  
Before Alice could stutter a word, Mr. Rabbit scurried into the room. He looked positively breathless with bloodshot eyes. He smoothed his coat as best as he could. "The Queen of Hearts humbly request that you read her letter at once," he said timidly with the letter in the air.

"Humbly," she mouthed. She nodded and her attendant took the letter and brought it before her.

It was so awfully silent as she read the letter. Her calm demeanor slowly ebbed away to reveal a rageful countenance. The letter shook, her eyebrows knitted, and then she suddenly stood up. The court gasped. Her face returned to her calm demeanor. "The King and Queen of Spades will attempt to leave this realm and move to the Higher Plane. We must not let this happen. They will endanger us all by destroying the very fabric of this world. They have already attempted it, we all saw it when the world became stretched."

Mr. Tesla remembered the moment that the world had turned into a Fauvist painting.

"White Queen," said the rabbit hesitantly, "these two are from the Higher plane. Perhaps they can help."

The White Queen slowly turned to them. "It is because of your world's technology that the queen will be able to ascend to your world. You two will come along with us." Mr. Tesla and Alice looked at her helplessly. The Queen returned her attention to her court, " We are to be joining forces with all of the suits save for the Spades who are the culprit of this discord."

"This has never been done," gasped a man wearing a rook shaped hat.

"Well that time is nigh," cried a knight whose helm was shaped as a horse. It was closed and perhaps that was why Alice began to cry.

"I never wished to scare a lady," gasped the knight.

"Alice, of all the strange things you have seen, the knight should be nothing to be afraid about," said Mr. Tesla soothingly.

"That is quite enough," said the queen sternly. "Let us go," the queen said with great resolve.

"I shall hold down the fort," the king sang from his throne as the room emptied out.


	2. Chapter 2

Mr. Tesla had suddenly noticed a strange, vertical fissure in the sky. The moment he noticed it, he completely forgot about the nuisance that kept babbling next to him. For whatever reason, the March Hare and the White Knight were having a very animated discussion on either side of Mr. Tesla.

"Mr. Tesla," Alice's refreshing voice knocked him out of his daze. "What is that thing in the sky?"

"I'm afraid I haven't the slightest idea," he said honestly.

"Well, whatever it is, it must be the work of the Queen of Spades. I have never seen such a thing in all of my life," the White Queen said as she observed the fissure.

"You know, that strange Ka-hoo sound seems to be coming from that place," the March Hare said to the Mad Hatter.

"Oh? How many times is it doing it now," asked the Mad Hatter.

"Two."

Mr. Tesla had just about enough of the noise around him. He looked around and found the pawns all gliding in a row. Mr. Tesla looked at them with curiosity, until he decided that he would do it. He climbed onto one, and the pawn continued as if nothing were happening. He sat on its head and covered his ears. His head was about to split just like that fissure with all of the noise going on.

"Stop!" The queen looked at Mr. Tesla furiously. "What do you think you are doing?"  
"You're subjects are quite noisy and my legs are starting to get tired. We had a longer journey than any of you," Mr. Tesla said forgetting that he was talking to a queen.

The queen only gaped and looked at the rest of the subjects. The white knight smiled, "Fair enough, I'd say."

"Very well," she said crossly. "However, I want you to know that I don't like it."

"I'll clean him up when we arrive," said Mr. Tesla coolly.

They continued to march on when they suddenly came upon a very steep hill. The queen gave a silent order for the company to stop. "Send out a pawn," she said in her elegant fashion.

A pawn glided over and as it came up the hill it began to shrink. It seemed to have disappeared. After a few minutes, it came back gradually growing bigger. It stopped midway.

"Hmm… I take it that this one needs maintenance. Knight, go fetch the pawn for me," she commanded.

The knight went up the hill clumsily in his heavy armor. He attempted to pick it up, but you would have never imagined a pawn to be quite so agile. It was probably playing a game because it didn't seem to have a hard time avoiding the knight's grapple. Once the knight was able to grapple the piece they rolled down the hill. He was so annoyed with it that once he had set it up straight he punched the top of its head very hard. Mr. Tesla marveled at the projection coming from the pawn. He saw a castle amidst a very bleak and dark land with the strange fissure coming straight from the castle.

"The ground looks like it is moving," observed the Bishop.

"Well that is quite a moat that they've built, but where did they get all of that water… or is it water," asked the knight. Suddenly they all began to argue about what it was that they saw.

Mr. Tesla looked at the queen who was looking at all this passively. "Might I suggest something," he asked. Surprisingly, to him, they had all stopped talking and stared at him with wonder. He ignored their looks, "Should we not send the scout further or take a look for ourselves?"

"Brilliant idea," said the queen merrily. She hopped off of her horse and began to make her way. Everyone else followed.

"I didn't mean everyone," muttered Mr. Tesla. Mr. Tesla decided to join the crowd and followed them up the precipice. He crouched down until he could get to the top and lie on his belly. The ground certainly was moving. It was an entire network of brass cogs turning about. They all encircled the castle. "What is this," he gasped. "What a tragic waste of energy!"

"Quieter Mr. Tesla," Alice pleaded. To her great shock, Mr. Tesla began to make his way down the hill. "Mr. Tesla," she gasped.

It was no use. He was deeply in his element. He was going to get to the bottom of this.

"What is he doing," the queen asked Alice.

"I'm afraid I don't know your majesty."

"Well he certainly can't be alone," the knight said and began to make his way down as well.

They watched the knight make his way down. By this time, Mr. Tesla was on his hands and knees looking below the cogs. The knight was only half way down when he noticed a peculiar thing coming up between the cogs. He stopped to observe it. It looked like a rolled up carpet with antennae wiggling its way out. It flopped over and unfurled itself. Like Frankenstein it slowly shot up, the antennae moved to a new position on either side of the two of spades card.

"Mr. Tesla," called out the white knight as he stared at the card.

Mr. Tesla couldn't hear him since his head was now looking below two large cogs.

The card had on a battery pack with a stick attached to it. It began to make its way to Mr. Tesla, but the knight had come in time. He sliced the card in two with his sword, however once his sword came into contact with the card's weapon he gasped letting go of the hilt. He took off his helm to reveal that his hair looked very much like the Mad Hatter's. With great irritation he could hear the duo laughing it up.

Mr. Tesla sat up and looked at the knight wondering when it was that he got there. Then he observed the remnants on the ground. "Interesting," he said.

"Mr. Tesla and Mr. Knight! The queen would like for you two to retreat," cried Alice.

"Retreat," asked Mr. Tesla.

The knight pointed to the landscape behind them. More of the cards were coming back up in a similar fashion. "We should be going," he said as he pushed Mr. Tesla up the hill.

They got to the top of the hill and rolled over. "We have a new dilemma," said the queen pointing her scepter to another small army heading their way. "That would be the Queen of Hearts' army. She will be wanting to take the head of the Queen of Spades which would defeat our purpose."

"Well why would she want to do that," Mr. Tesla laughed at the absurdity.

"I don't know. She feels that beheading anyone seems to solve whatever problem at hand. Our job is to get the Queen of Spades first, imprison her, and then quell the Queen of Hearts army. I never thought I'd say this, but I really do wish that the Red Queen were here."

Mr. Tesla observed the strange army. "How soon will they reach hear?"

"I'd say about thirty minutes," replied the knight.

"It will be three o'clock," he mused. The wheels in his head began to churn. Perhaps this battle isn't so hopeless.


End file.
